December 10th, 2003



I'm homesick!







I think it's the holidays. I've tried not to let the thought form in my mind, but...I'm not sure I belong here. I feel so far from everyone I love -- everything I know.





And the kinder people are, the more I miss my own family and friends.

I sound horribly ungrateful -- I know that. But suddenly I wonder what on earth I think I'm doing here? So far from home. I'm literally risking everything! And for what? Or, more accurately, for whom?

And it's cold here! Really cold -- the chill bites right into you. And it's wet. I love rain, but it is very wet. The roof of the cottage leaks a bit.



Christmas is coming. I suppose that's what this is really about. My first holiday away from home. That in itself probably indicates this...adventure is exactly what I need.

I've mailed all my parcels home, I've finished my Christmas cards, I even bought a little tree and set it up on the kitchen table. Peter let me pick and choose from the odds and ends of old ornaments that come into the shop this time of year. It's a sweet little tree -- I want to burst out crying every time I look at it.

What on earth is the matter with me?